Laugh at the Elder Gods

Professor Nabir knew it was an authentic piece when the fourth intern of the month went briefly mad and broke his face against the 3^rd floor bathroom window. They had used the subsequent blood and gore to paint a beautifully horrendous mural before entering a month long screaming coma.

The good professor had been employing the classic Miskatonic strategy of mentally preparing himself for the events to follow. Meanwhile, he allowed the supple minds of his interns to take the brunt of uncovering the dark truth the black cube, which sat in one of the many unlabeled study rooms within the age-warped wooden halls of the University. From what he could gather from the notes before they descended into raving madness (and in one case, a killer brownie recipe), the inscription on the cube forewarns that contained within it's mono molecular perfect angles is a great beast that hungers for freedom.

While the Forbidden Collection had more than it's fair share of such artifacts, given it's chatty nature, Nabir hoped it could convince, or at least trick the monster into monologuing enough secrets to be usable for his own personal projects. With that goal in mind he made the Elder sign, popped a downer and an upper and entered into the room where the Cube resisded.

The malefic presence of the demonic rubiks cube of cosmic black stone devoured the mid afternoon light streaming though the dusty windows. Various measuring equipment of dubious science and faulty arcane structure circled the thing like scared dogs around a bigger-than-average cat, softly beeping or ticking as they observed unseen forces.

Nabir stepped over wires, hastily scrawling glyphs of protection, and came to look down at the cube directly. He pulled a talisman free of his breast pocket and held it toward the cube.

“Greetings,” He said in a mock cheer, “I am Professor Nabir of the Miskatonic Universities Forbidden Major.”

The Box hissed like a thousand snakes in the throws of a death orgy, the noise shards of alien glass attempting to rend the mind and strip the soul. Such noise merely slid past Nabir as the drugs kept chemical stability within his mind. There was a pause followed by another wave of insanity, rode out with a yawn of boredom.

A more confused hiss followed shortly.

“Ah, yes your kind would be quite confused over this situation.” The Professor said in a casual smugness. “For you see, we here at the university have found that you beings effect the chemical balance of our brains, some psycho malefic aura which causes brief mental instability. We believe this is a mutated hunting tactic from before you evolved to higher consciousness.”

The Warbled nonsense of sound made confused noises and its surface pulsed a bruised puce color in response.

“It means the nonsense of beings beyond our mortal plane being mind rending terrors is in fact both true and absolutely false, so the University can finally progress in our studies.” Nabir condescendingly explained.

There was more of a wet grumbling from the less ominous artifact.

“No, I won’t be freeing you, now hush, I have read-outs and samples to take.”