Demon Hunting and Eggs

The last thing the young woman expected to see was another man cooking eggs in the kitchen, in a pink apron of all things. Sure it was a two bedroom apartment, and their might of been some mention of another person before the rest of the clothing had been stripped off. The young man, sensing the awkward tension building turned to the underwear clad women holding a plate.
" Eggs?" he said as deadpan as a carnival clown wishing he could retire.
"Uh, Thanks?" She replied, taking the plate and following utensils over to the table.
She watched him set the table with two more egg filled plates, mugs, creamer, a sugar bowl, and a large carafe of coffee. Her hangover clearing, she got a less bleary look at him: thin and dressed in baggy jeans and a grey hoodie twice his size. Gaunt and bitter looking features topped with long curly brown hair tied back. He caught her staring with his overly critical hazel eyes though square frame glasses, a look like he's being doing this far longer than she'll ever be around. She could also tell he was about as interested in her langere as much as a cat is interested in absolutely nothing but silently judging you.
He took the seat opposite hers and dug into his eggs, his mug already filled with coffee as he took large gulps between bites. The silence was palpable as the two ate some pretty decent eggs. She was about so say something, perhaps what her one night stand might be doing today, but he beat her to the punch.
" He's busy today, but hey you might hear from him." he took another swig from his mug, "And your going to be late."
The woman was about ask what the hell he meant by that when her phone let out a shrill alarm from the coffee table suddenly (one might say coincidentally) reminding her of something.   
"Oh fuck, I'm going to be late for work." she exclaimed, quickly tossing on her clothes and collecting her things before hurrying out the door.
Rich watched his roommates latest one night stand flee out into the real world, leaving him to put her plate into the sink. He slid the still full plate of eggs to the vacant chair and sat back down, looking at an imaginary watch.
"Three, two, one, and-" the bedroom door cracked open, sending a wave of static energy though the room.
the lights flickered as the lead dancer of the naked tango made his way toward the kitchen table, thankfully clothed in a wrinkled white tee and track shorts. By all standards, you could mistake him from a young, short, Hawaiian santa clause. Short and rather wide with long black hair that was thinning at the top, with a smile creased face and a hearty bush of a beard. He had managed to put his oval glasses crookedly, which didn't matter much as he navigated his home by muscle memory and sat down and started cramming the eggs into his face.
"Morning Herb," Rich greeted, filling his friends mug with coffee. " All the residual magic is gonna break the bulbs again."
Herb let out a grunt of half acknowledgement and made a limp wristed gesture, drawing the static forces back into himself and returning the bulbs to a less seizure inducing glow. After a few forkfuls of egg, Herb's mind managed to boot up his language centers to ask:
" Whats going on today?"
"Welp," Rich said scanning his phone. " There's not a lot, a few low level clensings, a consultation, and some PR work for the Magi group."
Herb groaned and mumbled how boring all that sounded around a mouthful of breakfast, motioning his partner to find work via the less than legal channels. With a long suffering sigh he loaded up the magic equivalent of craigslist and scanned though the local section. 
"There's are demons in an old house that need to be exorsized, the new owner is willing to pay 2,500 to get rid of them today."
"Perfect!" he shouted, suddenly bursting with youthful energy a man his age should not even be able to exude.
the Younger mage watched his teacher/ charge scarf down the eggs and down the still hot coffee with only a slight wince before scampering back to his bedroom to change into something more respectable. Rich was already dressed and was left with the dishes and an uncomfortable text message to his employers about where his teacher/charge was heading and a half hearted promise to keep the property damage to a minimum.
the Car rid was filled with snarky remarks about Herbs Choice of Hellsing tee shirt and shiny silken sweats that effortlessly masqueraded as normal pants. Which was met with quips about Rich's overall pessimistic attitude and depressed shut in style of clothing choices. This changed as the drove into the old suburb, houses standing 100 years or longer showing off their age and the housing associations dedication of keeping everything looking sharp enough to cut your self on.
The house in question was on a side street of its own, despite the mild spring morning the grass had turned a sickly shade of greenish yellow, carrying over to the oaks and willows flanking the property in the form of wilting leaves and ugly yellow mushrooms by the roots.
"Damn, there is something nasty here." Herb remarked a little to much like a kid in a foreboding candy store.
" Yep, lets go meet the client before you go kicking in doors."  Rich quipped and grabbed his overstuffed black backpack and followed his boss to the front door.
The women who opened the door could not have been more torn from a B movie and hastily stapled into our reality. Overtly pretty but not too much to check for the cameras with long blonde hair, big blue eyes and squeezed into a black tank top and jean shorts.
Herb opened his mouth to speak but a waterfall of vowels and constanants came flooding out as he made eye contact with the client. This went on for a solid 10 seconds before Rich took hold of Occams Razor and cut though the word salad.
" Are you Mary Bowman?"
She blinked and nodded. "Can I help you two?"
"We're here about the demons." He held up his phone, showing her the listing.
Confusion lingered before switching gears to relief and invited them both in. Both mages felt the oppressive aura clogging every inch of the modern decorated walls and Persian rug covered floors. The pair shuddered briefly before turning up the mental dial controlling their magic, counteracting the effects around them to a degree. They found themselves in the kitchen which was slightly better than the rest of the home, taking seats around Mary's table and listening to her story.
"Everything was normal until my nephew came over," she began, before Herb cut in with:
" Do you think he summoned demons into your home?"
" What? No. Chad is too focused on his Switch to try and summon demons." she gave him a strange look before continuing,
" I was just baby sitting him for a bit while my sister went on a short vacation with her husband. The day before they where coming to pick him up he wanted to watch a movie. The Wifi was acting up so  I popped in The Bee Movie for him."
The two exchanged a look, the information passed between them could be best summarized as recalling a precious case involving a bootleg copy of the Bee movie containing the proper chants to summon forth infernal beings.
"This is gonna sound weird, but can we see the DVD?" Rich asked, "This may be related to another case of ours."
The DVD was presented, its case baring what could be perhaps the CGI deathshead on Jerry Seinfeld career. The case looked a bit too new though, and matched the cases one could buy in bulk at amazon. The disk was a dead give away, a picture ripped from poster and stuck on a store bought burnable disk. It also helped the bastards who circulated these added "Satan Approved." in the small text along the disks edge.
" Who puts on Bee movie anyway?" Herb recived a look from Mary, he laughed nervously and doubled back. " I mean it could of happened to anyone."
" Anyway, after that things started getting weird. muffled sounds in the walls, scratching sounds, terrible smells and things going missing. It very quickly got to the point doors would slam and things would fly off the wall." Mary said, as she spoke the energy around the house began condensing toward her, its low key malevolence causing her to fidget in her seat.
" We'll need you to leave the house for a few hours." Rich watched as Herb subtly forced the energies away from Mary, electing the sensation of a glare in their direction. "We'll call you once we are finished or we need to call in Magi exorcists."
Herb scoffed loudly, his brain cranking out enough self confidence to overpower his awkwardness. " We won't need them and we won't need an hour. 30 minutes tops!"
Herb had turned on the charm in an almost literal sense. Women eaither activated his natural charisma made manifest in his auric presence, or turned him into a stuttering fool desperately trying not to brutalize the English language in front of them. Within minutes the suave Samoan kris kringle had convinced the woman it was perfectly fine to leave two strangers she hired off a shady site alone in her expensive home to go get some must needed girlfriend time. Mean while Rich was ensuring he had a fall back plan for when Herbs half baked barely plotted out disaster cake of a plan exploded.
They usually worked in a lucrative definition of the word "worked" but being better safe than sorry worked for him just fine. He placed several thick squares of paper, long strips folded end over end to make a little multipurpose packed that could store and amplify magical power. Herb had called them Spell packets, as well as 'useful and neat, because you neurotically produce them anyway.'
One was placed in each corner with four on the table, With a mumbled word and hand movement the cooled and stirred, leaving the faint scent of the sea. Checking the Safe room was nice and secure he went check on what his companion was doing. Passing the barrier he felt Herbs power pulsing around the house, basically pimp handing the demonic energies around to get it riled up. Within reality he had pushed the furniture in the living room and made enough space to draw a large pentacle on the floor with chalk.
"Jesus Herb, are you doing what I think your doing?" Rich asked, already knowing the answer, but at this point it was reflex.
"We are going to stab it."
Rich sat sat down on the floor and held his face in his hands, a slide show of the previous jobs worked alongside Herb worked his way though his mind. Always as strait as a fist to a face when it came to magic. Even when he dressed it up as complex, it was a faint to just punch something even harder. The man had mastered forces that made scientists weep over the broken rules of reality, and he molds it into a gigantic fist to beat anything that dared harm humanity (specifically woman). He looked up to see Herb waiting for him, he had seen plenty of his friends mini existential crises. It was best to wait till he collected himself.
" Okay, Lets do this I guess." he stood up, pulling a handful of spell packets out.
" Perfect, try and keep the house from burning down!" Herb tossed the DVD into the center of the circle and belted out a rather nasty limerick in Latin, sending a thrum of energy that rattled the windows.
The invisible energies that had been frothing around the house was dragged toward the circle, taking a visible spectrum as a blood red maelstrom of shrieking forces. Dimensions shifted and warped the architecture of the room as the demon took shape. It sort of looked like a giant bee had mated the worlds fattest woman and dunked it all in oil and blood. While most demons employed sulfur and the scent of fear, this let his energies be tainted with the scent of...honey?
" Holy shit," Rich said, " This is the dumbest looking fucking demon in one of these yet."
" I know right?" Herb laughed,"Its an actual fucking bee!"
The demon screamed in its infernal clicking language, roughly translating to how it will house its young in the pairs gore. Herb drew his blade, his own energy surging into reality as the scent of ozone and cracking electrical energies that honed the edge in white light as he charged toward the giant bee screaming incoherently. He got a hefty stab in before it threw him across the room, his magic keeping him from several broken ribs and internal bleeding, the wound burning with holy energy which only further pissed off the demon.
The monsterus bee charged after Herb, spines bursting from its arm to skewer the laughing man picking himself off the floor. Rich hurled a ball of heat-less flame knocking it off its legs and away from Herb and right though the couch and TV set. A few more holy hand grenades sizzled its carapace as it changed direction toward Rich, which let Herb get onto its back and carve a sizable chunk out of it.
The beast bucked and screamed a garbled mix of clicking and wailing as the newly carved handhold allowed the master of screaming and stabbing to do just that, bolts of energy arching though the entire room as each hit was like the boom of thunder. Demon bee managed to grab Herb the Barbarian and tossed him at his squishy mage companion, hurling them into the kitchen. thankfully the table and Rich's spine softened the landing.
"Son of a bitch," Rich wheezed, rolling Herb off him. "Its a lot stronger than the other ones."
" We got him on the ropes though." the big man said, hefting himself onto his feet just as a dozen fence post sized stingers slammed against the Kitchens ward. " You distract him and I'll finish him off."
" How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Herb picked him off the floor and brushed him off.
" Your smart, I believe in you."
Rich sighed and nodded, and gathered his power. The air drew cold and scented with brine, will-o-wisps trailed after him as he stepped past the barrier. He pulled fistfuls of charms from his pockets and steeled himself for this to get him killed.
" Hey ugly!" he shouted, narrowly avoiding the next round of stingers.
"How's it feel to be stuck inside the Internets most ridiculed movie?"
Bee demon howled a guttural response, barreling down on the mage. With little flourish he threw his spell packets toward the beasts, forcing magic though them as they rocketed though the air. They hit randomly against the beast and floor, ethereal chains and hooks exploding outward and encircling. Hands outstretched he channeled his energy into the binding, halting the demons assault a hairsbreadth away from those mandibles crushing his skull. The holy energy hissed against the infernal being but held strong, but he could feel the beast struggling hard, chains snapping only for smaller chains to twine around one another to keep hold.
Herb patted Rich on the back, sending a static shock though him and nearly breaking the spell. He raised his sword, blinding by the white light surrounding the blade. Far quicker than a man his size should, he carved a series of symbols across the face and eyes of the demon before he plunged the blade into the beasts belly. Its end was very anticlimactic, the demon slowly began deflating and collapsing into itself as wisps of grey smoke trailed off, before its form collapsed fully and slowly broke into red gray clouds of mist.
Rich let his spell go once the room's geometry began righting itself, though the signs of battle still lingered here and there.
" You can fix this stuff before she gets back right?" Herb asked, sheathing his sword. "I'm kinda hoping she's available."
Rich sighed loudly and rolled his eyes, pulling a few large paper charms marked "Repair" from his his abused backpack were it lay in the corner.
" Yeah, you pig." he grumbled, taking a small bit of pleasure knowing Herbs own personal code of honor left him with the lion share of the cash.
That, and he got to set the Bee movie on fire later, so the day wasn't that bad.